This was supposed to be done yesterday. Ran out of time, for not particularly good reasons. Quick notes for today.
- The so called devil tries to tempt you when you're alive. Convince you to do the most unspeakable evil. Then, when you die, you go to hell and suddenly the guy's all self righteous? Calling you a sinner? Punishing you for the bad things that he asked of you? For some reason I never looked at it this way before, but it seems like a disconnect that doesn't get addressed by the mainstream devil talkers. Fill me in, devil talkers.
- Guess it was just one note.
1. Food. I am sticking to my rules almost but not quite. I recognise this very clearly as the early winter over-indulgence. I force myself to feel cold and compensate by snacking. Eating does warm the body, as does digestion. It's a poor excuse. I have started noticing calorie counts on various things I eat this last week and I must say a few things are surprising. Given that i'm all about data crunching maybe i'd make a good calorie counter. Note to self to pay some more attention to this.
2. I am watching too much TV this week. That is to say television shows, not films, which I consider a different form of entertainment. It's a one week thing. Next week I will try to get out a bit in the evening for some variety, even if it's just for a walk. Maintaining a drain circling number of chips in fake poker has become an art form now. I'm stuck. As predicted the shorter commute is making it harder to properly listen to podcasts/internet shows. At least 2/3 of the stuff I listen to I insist on paying good attention to. This means not reading from a screen. Driving is perfect for this, but I've lost an hour a day where I did this. I am certainly not complaining. The all knowing idiot Randy Marsh of South Park had a line in an episode of South Park late last season - something about not randomly surfing whilst watching TV. I think the same applies here. It wouldn't be a bad idea to occasionally sit in the living room whilst the laptop sits somewhere else.
3. I feel a little in-shell right now and it bothers me. I know i've been better in this regard at other times in my life and it's hard to understand how one goes backwards in this regard. The only explanation I can find is lack of exposure to people, which is what this was all about. All I can do is try to keep this at the forefront of my mind. I am, and always have been far too concerned about others perception of my intentions. When I am made to look a fool, usually light heartedly I can now brush it off so easily it amazes me, but the fear that precedes that is still with me. Must open up.
4. Working well. Much happier to add a little time at the end of the day. With the new walk to the car park at the bottom of site I haven't yet managed to arrive at my desk on time anyway, but without even trying the time has been made up. There's so much less urgency to get up and driving when home is only 25 minutes away. This gives a better perception to others in the same office who may not know my hours. I've never liked that people have these views, but it's clear they do. Believe it or not, i've heard 9-5ers slating 8-4ers for leaving at 4. I've never heard one shred of evidence that the last hour in the afternoon they work is more productive than the first one I work. In fact, i've heard plenty to the contrary. Still need to get to my set goals!
5. Still happy, so still nothing of note to talk about.
6. I eased myself into weights with the dumbells. On old advice I then waited several days and will get back to them in about 20 minutes time. If i'm doing weights I need to be more careful to avoid injury. I strained a lot of muscles last time I tried and I think this is partly what has been putting me off getting back to it. I also went for a 2 mile walk at the weekend. Not a huge amount of exercise, but I promised myself it wouldn't be nothing, and it's not nothing. Next week the promise is the same.
India is under attack. The time, here at least, is ten to ten.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Drunken Post November
Been a while since I posted whilst getting myself beered up.
Things I noticed just now:
Lovefilm works Saturday. Blockbuster didn't. That's a big plus. Even if I don't see it 'til Tuesday, knowing now what's coming is good. If it manages to show up Monday, all the better.
Forgotten how much I liked Milkdrop. I've not touched weed that much in my life, but I get the feeling Milkdrop would be a good companion.
I love my new lamp. It does exactly what it's supposed to.
Why the hell can't I get into books. I haven't even touched the Boosh book that my friends bought me for my birthday over a week ago. I'm quite sure i'll find what's in it very funny. There is some mental block to picking up the paper.
The IT crowd has managed a third series (or season - the US way makes more sense but this isn't a show that's likely to export). Not bad for a pretty weak premise. Still quite funny. Reliant on talent more than writing, but the talent is there. Chris Morris was still the better boss but Sanch does a reasonable job. Sanch's real name I have no idea of, which I should feel ashamed of as he's also a Boosh cast member from s1.
Speaking of which I should buy Dark Place on DVD.
Breakout is a great song. The Foos are a great band. Some seem to dislike what they're doing now, and that I must admit i've lost track of, but there's very little I don't like at all. I am in the group that actually prefers the stuff from "Lose" to most of the stuff from "Foo" and "Shape", although Monkey Wrench will always be the preferred track overall so can't ignore "Shape". Also like a lot of the stuff on "One" but no idea about anything since. Best of You I swear to any higher being listening was a commercial radio advert jingle on the Chiltern Network some time in the 90's. Wish I could remember what company to prove it.
Wireless mice are great until they need batteries. Then you vow to go back to wires. You never actually do go back to wires though.
I bought cushions about a week ago. I did this despite (and I am about to mention a third UK comedy believe it or not) Steve from Coupling's fantastic rant about the fact that we don't actually sit on them. True, but we do lean on them, and they do add something to my living room. They may or may not be a little off the straight - I can't decide. Other people saw them and didn't comment. Besides which my furniture is so shitty it can't hurt to add a bit of comfort.
My singing voice is worrying me. I always prided myself on pitch in the face of a voice that may not exactly light up a room, but now I notice my voice wavering. Not good. I fucking love to sing, but the worse a person is at it the harder it is to justify doing.
Machine Head. Must see them again live some time. I think that was one of the most impressive gigs I've seen, buy I only saw it once.
It's not hard to see why people drink. It's more than to forget or to get a buzz. It's the sense of self that supposedly shines through. Problem is that if feeling that way all the time wasn't a problem, we probably would do. I doubt I could earn my salary with the mindset I have at this moment. If I could find a way to survive and forgo the salary, maybe I would try it. Unfortunately I also like the home comforts. This throwaway paragraph in a drunken post is actually one of my main struggles. Pathetic struggle if you look at some people's struggles, but at some point it's necessary to stop denying yourself self analysis on the basis that there are people with bigger problems. Even dying kids in deserts aren't the worst off in the world.
Ok that's enough for now. I gotta go outside.
Things I noticed just now:
Lovefilm works Saturday. Blockbuster didn't. That's a big plus. Even if I don't see it 'til Tuesday, knowing now what's coming is good. If it manages to show up Monday, all the better.
Forgotten how much I liked Milkdrop. I've not touched weed that much in my life, but I get the feeling Milkdrop would be a good companion.
I love my new lamp. It does exactly what it's supposed to.
Why the hell can't I get into books. I haven't even touched the Boosh book that my friends bought me for my birthday over a week ago. I'm quite sure i'll find what's in it very funny. There is some mental block to picking up the paper.
The IT crowd has managed a third series (or season - the US way makes more sense but this isn't a show that's likely to export). Not bad for a pretty weak premise. Still quite funny. Reliant on talent more than writing, but the talent is there. Chris Morris was still the better boss but Sanch does a reasonable job. Sanch's real name I have no idea of, which I should feel ashamed of as he's also a Boosh cast member from s1.
Speaking of which I should buy Dark Place on DVD.
Breakout is a great song. The Foos are a great band. Some seem to dislike what they're doing now, and that I must admit i've lost track of, but there's very little I don't like at all. I am in the group that actually prefers the stuff from "Lose" to most of the stuff from "Foo" and "Shape", although Monkey Wrench will always be the preferred track overall so can't ignore "Shape". Also like a lot of the stuff on "One" but no idea about anything since. Best of You I swear to any higher being listening was a commercial radio advert jingle on the Chiltern Network some time in the 90's. Wish I could remember what company to prove it.
Wireless mice are great until they need batteries. Then you vow to go back to wires. You never actually do go back to wires though.
I bought cushions about a week ago. I did this despite (and I am about to mention a third UK comedy believe it or not) Steve from Coupling's fantastic rant about the fact that we don't actually sit on them. True, but we do lean on them, and they do add something to my living room. They may or may not be a little off the straight - I can't decide. Other people saw them and didn't comment. Besides which my furniture is so shitty it can't hurt to add a bit of comfort.
My singing voice is worrying me. I always prided myself on pitch in the face of a voice that may not exactly light up a room, but now I notice my voice wavering. Not good. I fucking love to sing, but the worse a person is at it the harder it is to justify doing.
Machine Head. Must see them again live some time. I think that was one of the most impressive gigs I've seen, buy I only saw it once.
It's not hard to see why people drink. It's more than to forget or to get a buzz. It's the sense of self that supposedly shines through. Problem is that if feeling that way all the time wasn't a problem, we probably would do. I doubt I could earn my salary with the mindset I have at this moment. If I could find a way to survive and forgo the salary, maybe I would try it. Unfortunately I also like the home comforts. This throwaway paragraph in a drunken post is actually one of my main struggles. Pathetic struggle if you look at some people's struggles, but at some point it's necessary to stop denying yourself self analysis on the basis that there are people with bigger problems. Even dying kids in deserts aren't the worst off in the world.
Ok that's enough for now. I gotta go outside.
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
2008 #46 - 28
I am now 28. An insignificant birthday. How about a train of thought...
I now have the biggest standing lamp I've ever seen in the corner of my room. It is awesome and after years of missteps I finally have something that does decent mood lighting. This of course sounds like materialistic crap, but I've always considered the vibe of a room to mean something. Funny actually, as for the first year plus living here I did nothing whatsoever about it. Standard energy saving bulbs are going to make this kind of thing harder. I've not yet seen how well the ones that can handle dimming work. It's weird to think of a fluorescent bulb of any kind being anything other than bright white or off. Having just fitted a cheap £1 bulb in the kitchen I only really notice that it takes maybe 30 seconds to be bright enough not to notice it's not an incandescent bulb, but then if you actually think about it you notice that it's like being in a room with tubes overhead. That type of brightness is unforgiving in almost any environment. It's just not pleasant light. Soon these will be the only bulbs available legally. There's no stopping this one. The weight of the world is behind it. As far as having a fairly speedy impact on reducing energy consumption, it's hard to argue with. Until you remember that suddenly you're being told that it's illegal to connect a little glass dome with a thin piece of wire running through it to your electricity supply to help you see around your house. You might say that nobody is saying it's illegal, but you'd be being naive. First it will be illegal to make them, then illegal to buy them, and when enough time has passed that having one will prove you must have done one of the above things, it will become illegal to own them. Of course, it's not likely you'll get caught, unless you let a policeman into your house... or one peers through your window and sees it... or somebody you wronged decides to blow the whistle. The police wouldn't waste my time with this would they? Who the hell knows. In one night a policeman who I know and trust said both that they "have better things to do" than worry about a car missing a mirror, but moments later recalled a time when they needed "more arrests" so arrested a guy sleeping drunk in his car. People: This is not a crime in any true sense of the word. It's not harming anyone. It's based on the thinly veiled notion that a person drunk inside a car is only one step from driving it. I fail to see how me being drunk in my house and walking outside, getting into my car and driving off is any different. The guy sleeping in the car is not a bad guy. Neither is the policeman in question. He's not a bad guy by a very long stretch, but I guess feels that if he wants to make a positive difference and do good, he must put up with the flawed system which requires less positive behaviour, mostly it seems clear, only for the good of massaging figures to secure required levels of government fund-pie. My libertarian leanings are still not fully formed ideals, closer every day though they get, but this type of incentive is a no brainer to me - plain wrong.
That went pretty much how I expected. This is my mind a lot of the time, but with more anger over injustice than it is easy to express in the written form.. Of course, i'm not a writer.
1. Ate well, kept to the food rules. There was some snacking at work this week courtesy of my birthday cake offering. Nothing too bad. Drank a little less coffee and my skin has improved a little.
2. I am very well entertained. I am watching lots of films, playing poker, Wordscraper (all I consider mind expanding). Enjoying the US shows, trying to work out if i'm still enjoying Heroes as much now that it's turning into Lost, which I still love anyway. Finally after a 2 week backlog managed to do all the feed reading I had been putting off. I am seriously considering reading a book.
3. Did I mention I love my new office? So many people talking to me. So much better than sitting around all day. Had a great birthday night out on Friday with many if not quite all the people I would have liked there. All good people nonetheless. The question I have is how do I break the cycle with people i've reached nod and smile briefly status with, but never really intended to. It's never pleasant to have to do that and i'd rather say hello, but oddly I feel it's weird to given I haven't been saying it recently. This is a strange fear and I will try to get over it.
4. I'm applied. Very applied. I haven't felt this useful at work in many months. It's hard to believe my job hasn't actually changed at all. My work goals, once again, are still untouched. As I mentioned, these may have to wait until next week, assuming things that are supposed to be finished this week are finished (although I already know they won't quite be finished).
5. As last week, am enjoying my role minus the bullshit that I hate, not feeling like it's a treadmill, so happy to keep going. This isn't a cop out, even if it sounds like it.
6. But this is. Why the fuck can't I bring myself to do anything about exercising. I am not depressed. I'm in a great mood. I know what exercise I want to do, but I continue to procrastinate. I noticed today that even my fairly baggy work shirt is no longer hiding my shape as well as it normally has. Some weight training right now would do me the world of good. This is the week my friends. I will do this. I must!
I now have the biggest standing lamp I've ever seen in the corner of my room. It is awesome and after years of missteps I finally have something that does decent mood lighting. This of course sounds like materialistic crap, but I've always considered the vibe of a room to mean something. Funny actually, as for the first year plus living here I did nothing whatsoever about it. Standard energy saving bulbs are going to make this kind of thing harder. I've not yet seen how well the ones that can handle dimming work. It's weird to think of a fluorescent bulb of any kind being anything other than bright white or off. Having just fitted a cheap £1 bulb in the kitchen I only really notice that it takes maybe 30 seconds to be bright enough not to notice it's not an incandescent bulb, but then if you actually think about it you notice that it's like being in a room with tubes overhead. That type of brightness is unforgiving in almost any environment. It's just not pleasant light. Soon these will be the only bulbs available legally. There's no stopping this one. The weight of the world is behind it. As far as having a fairly speedy impact on reducing energy consumption, it's hard to argue with. Until you remember that suddenly you're being told that it's illegal to connect a little glass dome with a thin piece of wire running through it to your electricity supply to help you see around your house. You might say that nobody is saying it's illegal, but you'd be being naive. First it will be illegal to make them, then illegal to buy them, and when enough time has passed that having one will prove you must have done one of the above things, it will become illegal to own them. Of course, it's not likely you'll get caught, unless you let a policeman into your house... or one peers through your window and sees it... or somebody you wronged decides to blow the whistle. The police wouldn't waste my time with this would they? Who the hell knows. In one night a policeman who I know and trust said both that they "have better things to do" than worry about a car missing a mirror, but moments later recalled a time when they needed "more arrests" so arrested a guy sleeping drunk in his car. People: This is not a crime in any true sense of the word. It's not harming anyone. It's based on the thinly veiled notion that a person drunk inside a car is only one step from driving it. I fail to see how me being drunk in my house and walking outside, getting into my car and driving off is any different. The guy sleeping in the car is not a bad guy. Neither is the policeman in question. He's not a bad guy by a very long stretch, but I guess feels that if he wants to make a positive difference and do good, he must put up with the flawed system which requires less positive behaviour, mostly it seems clear, only for the good of massaging figures to secure required levels of government fund-pie. My libertarian leanings are still not fully formed ideals, closer every day though they get, but this type of incentive is a no brainer to me - plain wrong.
That went pretty much how I expected. This is my mind a lot of the time, but with more anger over injustice than it is easy to express in the written form.. Of course, i'm not a writer.
1. Ate well, kept to the food rules. There was some snacking at work this week courtesy of my birthday cake offering. Nothing too bad. Drank a little less coffee and my skin has improved a little.
2. I am very well entertained. I am watching lots of films, playing poker, Wordscraper (all I consider mind expanding). Enjoying the US shows, trying to work out if i'm still enjoying Heroes as much now that it's turning into Lost, which I still love anyway. Finally after a 2 week backlog managed to do all the feed reading I had been putting off. I am seriously considering reading a book.
3. Did I mention I love my new office? So many people talking to me. So much better than sitting around all day. Had a great birthday night out on Friday with many if not quite all the people I would have liked there. All good people nonetheless. The question I have is how do I break the cycle with people i've reached nod and smile briefly status with, but never really intended to. It's never pleasant to have to do that and i'd rather say hello, but oddly I feel it's weird to given I haven't been saying it recently. This is a strange fear and I will try to get over it.
4. I'm applied. Very applied. I haven't felt this useful at work in many months. It's hard to believe my job hasn't actually changed at all. My work goals, once again, are still untouched. As I mentioned, these may have to wait until next week, assuming things that are supposed to be finished this week are finished (although I already know they won't quite be finished).
5. As last week, am enjoying my role minus the bullshit that I hate, not feeling like it's a treadmill, so happy to keep going. This isn't a cop out, even if it sounds like it.
6. But this is. Why the fuck can't I bring myself to do anything about exercising. I am not depressed. I'm in a great mood. I know what exercise I want to do, but I continue to procrastinate. I noticed today that even my fairly baggy work shirt is no longer hiding my shape as well as it normally has. Some weight training right now would do me the world of good. This is the week my friends. I will do this. I must!
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
2008 #45 - Doing Stuff I Like
I like doing stuff. Nothing is more depressing than having nothing to do. It's not so much being bored. There are a hundred things I have at one time or another thought I would do when I had time. Making sure I have a copy of every CD in my car, for example. Right now I don't. I'm never stuck for activity, but having stuff to do that isn't just a chore puts me in a much better mood than sitting around.
Last night I visited my family. This weekend I went out in another city on Friday and Saturday, the latter involving seeing my favourite band at my favourite mid-sized gig venue. I went to the Cinema on Tuesday and Wednesday. In a week of far less sitting around, I feel good.
This is no big revelation, but it bears remembering.
Note - i'm going back to not recapping the text of the goals each time. Waste of space. If you want to see them see the last few weeks.
1. I finally made up for my bad behaviour a few weeks ago by staying away from the corn chips and the real chips last week. Other than that I continued to eat moderately. I steered clear of any snack food at work, although there was some celebratory food on Friday of which I did eat some. I'm overindulging in coffee at the moment and my skin is reacting as I know very well it does. This is useful actually because at 28 I refuse to have constant acne problems, which will help me to cut back. So, not perfect but better than recently.
2. I think my opening paragraphs pretty much indicate I'm fine here this week. If anything I've had far less time for the normal entertainment activities.
3. I am doing my very best on this point. I reached out to about 10 people last night to try to arrange some kind of a birthday night out. I normally find this kind of thing hard to co-ordinate, much like when I try to organise a meeting at work, but I seem to have succeeded here, so I should get a chance to see most of my friends in the next week or so and catch up with those I don't see as much any more. At work I am now surrounded by hundreds of people, and I love it. I don't want to overstate this because this is only day three, but there's an atmosphere in this office which I haven't felt in almost three years. I am doing my best not to ignore people in the hope that I may get to know some of them in time. Great to be back with the people rather than sitting around a quiet office in the West Midlands finding it hard to get motivated because it feels like there is nobody else working in the entire place. In a bustling administrative office everybody is working, and I feel much more inclined to join them. This office move is great for so many reasons, but I didn't even expect this one!
4. I am working hard. I haven't had one of those days in which I felt ineffective in the last week or so. I have a major project with a tightening deadline. In the new location It's easier to get on, as I already mentioned, plus time flies. Days dragged on in the old place even when I was supposedly busy. Now the clock races to lunch and then through the afternoon. I put in an extra hour to buy myself some time to get something small fixed on my car later in the week, without a second thought. I do still need to make some progress on my goals, which means giving just a little less focus to this big project, but that may need to wait until after next week. Beyond that I think I need to specifically book time for certain activities. The whole GTD thing after a fair amount of reading got annoying but there are plenty of basic principles in there that can work and this seems like one.
5. Last week I saw a job that I thought I could do. I might not have been able to do it in reality, as it might have had an engineering background as a sticking point - this wasn't clear. I decided not to apply in the end, as I think I like where I am. The things that made my job a drag are mostly gone and I have the opportunity finally to see if I really enjoy this job without all those drains on my energy and cash, plus in a more agreeable environment. I'm not saying that this is the end of rethinking my career, and I will continue to do so, but as of this week, be aware that the current thinking is making the most of what I have, not out of compromise in any major way, mostly out of the good vibe i'm getting.
6. Still the only thing I haven't managed to progress on. Or is it? I actually got an intense work out in my annual trip to a punk gig on Saturday night. If you choose to join in, and I do, it's incredibly hard work. Yes, you do get elbowed in the face, sweated on by many other people, and crushed in ways you'd expect to hurt more, but in trying to stay upright in all that and show enthusiasm for what is an awesome performance, exercise happens. This was coincidental exercise however. It doesn't speak to my progress in this area, which is essentially still poor.
All things considered, my attitude has improved greatly in the last week. I like where this is going.
Other note - if you are like me a late twenties type person that has never had a dentist that thought you needed a cleaning before, be prepared for an incredibly unpleasant experience. They will tell you it's not as bad as a drilling, and of course the net result isn't as bad, but all the worst things about drilling are present in a cleaning, and anticipation of pain runs through the entire experience. On top of that, it takes about four times as long. I do however like the results.
Last night I visited my family. This weekend I went out in another city on Friday and Saturday, the latter involving seeing my favourite band at my favourite mid-sized gig venue. I went to the Cinema on Tuesday and Wednesday. In a week of far less sitting around, I feel good.
This is no big revelation, but it bears remembering.
Note - i'm going back to not recapping the text of the goals each time. Waste of space. If you want to see them see the last few weeks.
1. I finally made up for my bad behaviour a few weeks ago by staying away from the corn chips and the real chips last week. Other than that I continued to eat moderately. I steered clear of any snack food at work, although there was some celebratory food on Friday of which I did eat some. I'm overindulging in coffee at the moment and my skin is reacting as I know very well it does. This is useful actually because at 28 I refuse to have constant acne problems, which will help me to cut back. So, not perfect but better than recently.
2. I think my opening paragraphs pretty much indicate I'm fine here this week. If anything I've had far less time for the normal entertainment activities.
3. I am doing my very best on this point. I reached out to about 10 people last night to try to arrange some kind of a birthday night out. I normally find this kind of thing hard to co-ordinate, much like when I try to organise a meeting at work, but I seem to have succeeded here, so I should get a chance to see most of my friends in the next week or so and catch up with those I don't see as much any more. At work I am now surrounded by hundreds of people, and I love it. I don't want to overstate this because this is only day three, but there's an atmosphere in this office which I haven't felt in almost three years. I am doing my best not to ignore people in the hope that I may get to know some of them in time. Great to be back with the people rather than sitting around a quiet office in the West Midlands finding it hard to get motivated because it feels like there is nobody else working in the entire place. In a bustling administrative office everybody is working, and I feel much more inclined to join them. This office move is great for so many reasons, but I didn't even expect this one!
4. I am working hard. I haven't had one of those days in which I felt ineffective in the last week or so. I have a major project with a tightening deadline. In the new location It's easier to get on, as I already mentioned, plus time flies. Days dragged on in the old place even when I was supposedly busy. Now the clock races to lunch and then through the afternoon. I put in an extra hour to buy myself some time to get something small fixed on my car later in the week, without a second thought. I do still need to make some progress on my goals, which means giving just a little less focus to this big project, but that may need to wait until after next week. Beyond that I think I need to specifically book time for certain activities. The whole GTD thing after a fair amount of reading got annoying but there are plenty of basic principles in there that can work and this seems like one.
5. Last week I saw a job that I thought I could do. I might not have been able to do it in reality, as it might have had an engineering background as a sticking point - this wasn't clear. I decided not to apply in the end, as I think I like where I am. The things that made my job a drag are mostly gone and I have the opportunity finally to see if I really enjoy this job without all those drains on my energy and cash, plus in a more agreeable environment. I'm not saying that this is the end of rethinking my career, and I will continue to do so, but as of this week, be aware that the current thinking is making the most of what I have, not out of compromise in any major way, mostly out of the good vibe i'm getting.
6. Still the only thing I haven't managed to progress on. Or is it? I actually got an intense work out in my annual trip to a punk gig on Saturday night. If you choose to join in, and I do, it's incredibly hard work. Yes, you do get elbowed in the face, sweated on by many other people, and crushed in ways you'd expect to hurt more, but in trying to stay upright in all that and show enthusiasm for what is an awesome performance, exercise happens. This was coincidental exercise however. It doesn't speak to my progress in this area, which is essentially still poor.
All things considered, my attitude has improved greatly in the last week. I like where this is going.
Other note - if you are like me a late twenties type person that has never had a dentist that thought you needed a cleaning before, be prepared for an incredibly unpleasant experience. They will tell you it's not as bad as a drilling, and of course the net result isn't as bad, but all the worst things about drilling are present in a cleaning, and anticipation of pain runs through the entire experience. On top of that, it takes about four times as long. I do however like the results.
Wednesday, November 05, 2008
Stop Hailing Change!
Seriously. Celebrate it if it happens. It's not fucking historic until he actually becomes president and does anything differently. Until then it's just promises made before inauguration. Why you blinkered people can't see that there's every chance this guy will behave in exactly the way all those before him have bugs the shit out of me, and i'm not even American.
Aren't the general public capable of learning anything from the past?
Aren't the general public capable of learning anything from the past?
Tuesday, November 04, 2008
2008 #44 - Saw V
Just saw Saw V. I thought I was enjoying it. Then it ended. The tagline for this film in the UK at least has been "You won't believe how it ends". Let me say in no uncertain terms, the ending of this film is entirely predictable, twist free and underwhelming. Searching around for to figure out what I missed it seems I missed nothing. Movies with weak endings shouldn't have taglines about their endings. That's just dumb.
Sigh.
1. I will eat in moderation at all routine meals. The majority of my meals will be essentially healthy. When I snack or overindulge, I will specifically redress the balance later. I will also drink caffeine based drinks in moderation. At the end of a week, if I feel my intake has been too high, the goal has not been met, and I will state this.
I am not eating in the moderation I should be at present. This is definite. My meals are alright, but I am snacking more. Things I buy to replace other less healthy options end up getting eaten as snack food. I need to do better here, as I think I am starting to gain weight again.
2. I will not spent extended periods of time focussed on one form of entertainment. If one form of entertainment has consumed an evening or weekend then I have failed. I will vary it, and ensure that I don't neglect the mind expanding.
Still keeping it very varied. In the interest of keeping it short I won't give any detail, but it's all good.
3. I will talk to people. People I know will not feel I am ignoring them. People I don't know will not forever be people I don't know. If they do, or they are, I have failed. Why all this? Because spending any extended period of time alone is a terrible idea, and the more you initiate, the less likely that is to happen.
Still doing better at this. Mental note to keep it going when i'm back in an office of hundreds as of later this week. Plenty of people to get to know there compared to very few where i've been most recently.
4. I will apply myself to my work. Why? Because all career uncertainty aside, if I'm doing something, I must be doing it well, plus it's the only way I will continue to advance in my current career.
I am doing this, but neglecting the goals set at work. This is a common problem not unique to me, but I am due an interim review very shortly and as yet I haven't made much progress on my goals. No big deal as I have pointed out before, I cannot progress any further at the end of the year by meeting these, but obviously the polar opposite has consequences. That, however, would take some serious neglect of not just the goals but my work itself, and that won't happen. Nonetheless, I will get to these shortly, as there's some worthwhile stuff in there.
Side note - a few weeks ago I wrote about a session I attended on inclusion, diversity, etc, and was strangely positive about it. This week the (or it is a) company emailed the entire organisation to explain that such initiatives were okay but didn't focus enough on the inclusion element. The solution, it is alleged, is to make this a key part of the day to day job. I don't know what this means but no doubt it's another opportunity for me to get very angry about just how much interest the people that are just supposed to pay me for the work I do (AND THAT IS ALL) seem to have in my personal thought process. Please hear me! I will not be told what to think by my employer. Just as I start to make peace with the company, they are going to start judging me annually on how inclusive I am. How the fuck they expect to do this I have no idea, and I'm in no rush to find out. Frankly the tone of this email was horrible, includng several uses of the phrase "radical new approach", though I imagine the people that wrote it would be very surprised that anybody would have my reaction (they would see it as entirely positive), however, it took five minutes to confirm i'm not alone in hating what I read. If I really had to single out any group of people to persecute it wouldn't be a race, sex, faith or age or disability group. It'd be the people that insist that they know better than other people on issues that simply aren't based in fact, but on opinion. If anybody involved in this or anything like it ever reads this, please take my FUCK YOU very seriously. You and all like you anger me greatly, and your no doubt already forming assumption that I am just the type person you need to "reach" offends me, and many, many other people, unbeknownst to you. If anything, it might be good to "reach" you and get you to understand my view on all this, but the difference between you and me of course, is that I would never want to tell you what to think - just what I think.
That was a tangent, but an important one. Corporate stupidity. To boil it down - let us all celebrate how the same, and yet different we are by making sure that everybody agrees that we're all the same, and yet different. Go fuck yourself, once and for all. If I sound pissed off, it's because I am.
5. I will continue to rethink my career inside and outside my current role weekly. Why? Because I don't want to find myself realising I am on a career treadmill and nothing more. I must ensure what I do is meaningful to me, and ideally others. This doesn't inherently necessitate change, just frequent consideration.
Still thinking about the future. Stuff like the rant above make me want to walk out of the place, but that wouldn't help. I am gradually getting to the point where I can take these stands and worry less about the consequences. The loud, disagreeable types do fail to progress - this much is true, but I can live with that if i'm doing and saying the right thing, as opposed to towing lines which make me want to throw up. So, I don't want out. I'm even starting to consider alternative roles within the company again, which I haven't done in a while.
6. I will find the time to manage a 3 times a week exercise schedule. Why? Much like the eating, it's about long term health gains and short term physical gain. Lose a little weight. Tone up a bit.
Still not happening.
My self discipline is at an all year low right now. I blame the weather. We had both a proper summers day, first snow and air frost all in October. It's a bit warmer again now, thankfully, but it's all very confusing and can affect mood and drive.
This is the first post i've written in a long time which makes me worry slightly that I could be identifiable. I keep this anonymous precisely so I can say things like the above without fear of repurcussion. It's a lot less destructive to rant about policy of an unnamed company from the perspective of an unnamed individual than it is to reveal both and face the possibility that it could be used against me later. Many people are far too liberal in how they speak in public on Facebook etc. Nonetheless, I stand by my opinions, and there's certainly nothing aimed at any one individual.. More at a certain group of people.. Ahh crap there I go putting people in groups again.
!!!!
I'm going to bed. Peace out.
Sigh.
1. I will eat in moderation at all routine meals. The majority of my meals will be essentially healthy. When I snack or overindulge, I will specifically redress the balance later. I will also drink caffeine based drinks in moderation. At the end of a week, if I feel my intake has been too high, the goal has not been met, and I will state this.
I am not eating in the moderation I should be at present. This is definite. My meals are alright, but I am snacking more. Things I buy to replace other less healthy options end up getting eaten as snack food. I need to do better here, as I think I am starting to gain weight again.
2. I will not spent extended periods of time focussed on one form of entertainment. If one form of entertainment has consumed an evening or weekend then I have failed. I will vary it, and ensure that I don't neglect the mind expanding.
Still keeping it very varied. In the interest of keeping it short I won't give any detail, but it's all good.
3. I will talk to people. People I know will not feel I am ignoring them. People I don't know will not forever be people I don't know. If they do, or they are, I have failed. Why all this? Because spending any extended period of time alone is a terrible idea, and the more you initiate, the less likely that is to happen.
Still doing better at this. Mental note to keep it going when i'm back in an office of hundreds as of later this week. Plenty of people to get to know there compared to very few where i've been most recently.
4. I will apply myself to my work. Why? Because all career uncertainty aside, if I'm doing something, I must be doing it well, plus it's the only way I will continue to advance in my current career.
I am doing this, but neglecting the goals set at work. This is a common problem not unique to me, but I am due an interim review very shortly and as yet I haven't made much progress on my goals. No big deal as I have pointed out before, I cannot progress any further at the end of the year by meeting these, but obviously the polar opposite has consequences. That, however, would take some serious neglect of not just the goals but my work itself, and that won't happen. Nonetheless, I will get to these shortly, as there's some worthwhile stuff in there.
Side note - a few weeks ago I wrote about a session I attended on inclusion, diversity, etc, and was strangely positive about it. This week the (or it is a) company emailed the entire organisation to explain that such initiatives were okay but didn't focus enough on the inclusion element. The solution, it is alleged, is to make this a key part of the day to day job. I don't know what this means but no doubt it's another opportunity for me to get very angry about just how much interest the people that are just supposed to pay me for the work I do (AND THAT IS ALL) seem to have in my personal thought process. Please hear me! I will not be told what to think by my employer. Just as I start to make peace with the company, they are going to start judging me annually on how inclusive I am. How the fuck they expect to do this I have no idea, and I'm in no rush to find out. Frankly the tone of this email was horrible, includng several uses of the phrase "radical new approach", though I imagine the people that wrote it would be very surprised that anybody would have my reaction (they would see it as entirely positive), however, it took five minutes to confirm i'm not alone in hating what I read. If I really had to single out any group of people to persecute it wouldn't be a race, sex, faith or age or disability group. It'd be the people that insist that they know better than other people on issues that simply aren't based in fact, but on opinion. If anybody involved in this or anything like it ever reads this, please take my FUCK YOU very seriously. You and all like you anger me greatly, and your no doubt already forming assumption that I am just the type person you need to "reach" offends me, and many, many other people, unbeknownst to you. If anything, it might be good to "reach" you and get you to understand my view on all this, but the difference between you and me of course, is that I would never want to tell you what to think - just what I think.
That was a tangent, but an important one. Corporate stupidity. To boil it down - let us all celebrate how the same, and yet different we are by making sure that everybody agrees that we're all the same, and yet different. Go fuck yourself, once and for all. If I sound pissed off, it's because I am.
5. I will continue to rethink my career inside and outside my current role weekly. Why? Because I don't want to find myself realising I am on a career treadmill and nothing more. I must ensure what I do is meaningful to me, and ideally others. This doesn't inherently necessitate change, just frequent consideration.
Still thinking about the future. Stuff like the rant above make me want to walk out of the place, but that wouldn't help. I am gradually getting to the point where I can take these stands and worry less about the consequences. The loud, disagreeable types do fail to progress - this much is true, but I can live with that if i'm doing and saying the right thing, as opposed to towing lines which make me want to throw up. So, I don't want out. I'm even starting to consider alternative roles within the company again, which I haven't done in a while.
6. I will find the time to manage a 3 times a week exercise schedule. Why? Much like the eating, it's about long term health gains and short term physical gain. Lose a little weight. Tone up a bit.
Still not happening.
My self discipline is at an all year low right now. I blame the weather. We had both a proper summers day, first snow and air frost all in October. It's a bit warmer again now, thankfully, but it's all very confusing and can affect mood and drive.
This is the first post i've written in a long time which makes me worry slightly that I could be identifiable. I keep this anonymous precisely so I can say things like the above without fear of repurcussion. It's a lot less destructive to rant about policy of an unnamed company from the perspective of an unnamed individual than it is to reveal both and face the possibility that it could be used against me later. Many people are far too liberal in how they speak in public on Facebook etc. Nonetheless, I stand by my opinions, and there's certainly nothing aimed at any one individual.. More at a certain group of people.. Ahh crap there I go putting people in groups again.
!!!!
I'm going to bed. Peace out.