2008 #46 - 28

I am now 28. An insignificant birthday. How about a train of thought...

I now have the biggest standing lamp I've ever seen in the corner of my room. It is awesome and after years of missteps I finally have something that does decent mood lighting. This of course sounds like materialistic crap, but I've always considered the vibe of a room to mean something. Funny actually, as for the first year plus living here I did nothing whatsoever about it. Standard energy saving bulbs are going to make this kind of thing harder. I've not yet seen how well the ones that can handle dimming work. It's weird to think of a fluorescent bulb of any kind being anything other than bright white or off. Having just fitted a cheap £1 bulb in the kitchen I only really notice that it takes maybe 30 seconds to be bright enough not to notice it's not an incandescent bulb, but then if you actually think about it you notice that it's like being in a room with tubes overhead. That type of brightness is unforgiving in almost any environment. It's just not pleasant light. Soon these will be the only bulbs available legally. There's no stopping this one. The weight of the world is behind it. As far as having a fairly speedy impact on reducing energy consumption, it's hard to argue with. Until you remember that suddenly you're being told that it's illegal to connect a little glass dome with a thin piece of wire running through it to your electricity supply to help you see around your house. You might say that nobody is saying it's illegal, but you'd be being naive. First it will be illegal to make them, then illegal to buy them, and when enough time has passed that having one will prove you must have done one of the above things, it will become illegal to own them. Of course, it's not likely you'll get caught, unless you let a policeman into your house... or one peers through your window and sees it... or somebody you wronged decides to blow the whistle. The police wouldn't waste my time with this would they? Who the hell knows. In one night a policeman who I know and trust said both that they "have better things to do" than worry about a car missing a mirror, but moments later recalled a time when they needed "more arrests" so arrested a guy sleeping drunk in his car. People: This is not a crime in any true sense of the word. It's not harming anyone. It's based on the thinly veiled notion that a person drunk inside a car is only one step from driving it. I fail to see how me being drunk in my house and walking outside, getting into my car and driving off is any different. The guy sleeping in the car is not a bad guy. Neither is the policeman in question. He's not a bad guy by a very long stretch, but I guess feels that if he wants to make a positive difference and do good, he must put up with the flawed system which requires less positive behaviour, mostly it seems clear, only for the good of massaging figures to secure required levels of government fund-pie. My libertarian leanings are still not fully formed ideals, closer every day though they get, but this type of incentive is a no brainer to me - plain wrong.

That went pretty much how I expected. This is my mind a lot of the time, but with more anger over injustice than it is easy to express in the written form.. Of course, i'm not a writer.

1. Ate well, kept to the food rules. There was some snacking at work this week courtesy of my birthday cake offering. Nothing too bad. Drank a little less coffee and my skin has improved a little.

2. I am very well entertained. I am watching lots of films, playing poker, Wordscraper (all I consider mind expanding). Enjoying the US shows, trying to work out if i'm still enjoying Heroes as much now that it's turning into Lost, which I still love anyway. Finally after a 2 week backlog managed to do all the feed reading I had been putting off. I am seriously considering reading a book.

3. Did I mention I love my new office? So many people talking to me. So much better than sitting around all day. Had a great birthday night out on Friday with many if not quite all the people I would have liked there. All good people nonetheless. The question I have is how do I break the cycle with people i've reached nod and smile briefly status with, but never really intended to. It's never pleasant to have to do that and i'd rather say hello, but oddly I feel it's weird to given I haven't been saying it recently. This is a strange fear and I will try to get over it.

4. I'm applied. Very applied. I haven't felt this useful at work in many months. It's hard to believe my job hasn't actually changed at all. My work goals, once again, are still untouched. As I mentioned, these may have to wait until next week, assuming things that are supposed to be finished this week are finished (although I already know they won't quite be finished).

5. As last week, am enjoying my role minus the bullshit that I hate, not feeling like it's a treadmill, so happy to keep going. This isn't a cop out, even if it sounds like it.

6. But this is. Why the fuck can't I bring myself to do anything about exercising. I am not depressed. I'm in a great mood. I know what exercise I want to do, but I continue to procrastinate. I noticed today that even my fairly baggy work shirt is no longer hiding my shape as well as it normally has. Some weight training right now would do me the world of good. This is the week my friends. I will do this. I must!