It's equally uncomfortable to know that the grand achievement you're attributing that forward motion to is ultimately something holding you back from the mystical "thing you should be doing with your life".
Things of note I did this year - saw Jimmy Eat World. Revisited India. Saw Jimmy Eat World again. Applied for and got a new job several levels above my old one. Saw Jimmy Eat World again. Went to the Reading festival, where I saw Jimmy Eat World, again! Moved from Leicester to Birmingham. Went to a wedding in Poland. Bought a motorbike.
For some people this is any year. For me this was a busy year.
I didn't set out to see Jimmy Eat World four times. The first time was the first time i'd seen them at all and was planned months in advance. Great show. Shortly after this they announced a more limited show in which they'd fully perform two fantastic albums. That was unmissable from the description, and unmissable looking back - by far the highlight of the four, and gave me a reason to finally go wandering around London for a day which i'd been meaning to do for years. The next was in Leicester. A band I liked playing Leicester? Hadn't happened since the Lostprophets gig. This was of course a warm up for their Reading gig, which as I was there, I wasn't going to miss. Four shows, no regrets, and on the wider topic, this full album live trend of recent times is one I hope continues and grows.
My second trip to India was fine but uneventful. I missed out on a third trip in August because i'd "deserted" my former job, albeit I was still there until well after the trip date. No bitterness there - my going would have made no sense, but when I see how much more those that did go did with their time outside of work, I can't help wishing i'd pushed myself a little harder not to hole up in the hotel. It was a lone trip, which made it harder, but the Indians are nothing if not good hosts, and had I asked I have no doubt I could have been out doing something every night. My stomach's reaction to the local food doesn't help. I eat Indian food more than any other kind at home, but actual food in India seems to be made with something that disagrees with my insides.
The wedding in Poland was a highlight of the year. An amazing place far more interesting and beautiful than I had imagined. Nobody ever talks about going to Poland and the number of Polish people in the UK had led me to the false impression that it wouldn't be a great place. It is. The stereotypes about Polish weddings are 100% true. You will be forced to drink a lot of Vodka, and if you can't handle it, well, we're back to talking about my insides again. Just before my 31st Birthday I found myself acting like a 15 year old in the park with a bottle of White Lightning.
I've already mentioned Reading, my job and my move in other posts so I won't drag the detail up again. I'm more settled in the work now and feel competent again after a few months of having to fake it. In an aim to become a little more specific about goals i've come to the conclusion that I want to freelance. The biggest challenges I face at the moment are commuting related, and this is something i'd like to change in the medium term. I realise freelancers have to go to offices too, but knowing that I need to get from Birmingham to Warwick every day for the rest of my current job role plays on my mind. I'm fully expecting to relish the warmer rides to work but the winter will come around.
As a senior staff member (that means just below management by the way) and quite a believer in meritocracy, I find it quite hard to swallow that ability/contribution plays no part in policies that dictate, for example, who can and cannot park a car at the office. It seems to me to be a symptom of being a big company to feel that there is a need to maintain that everybody is of equal importance while glossing over the fact that one person makes a far greater contribution than another. It seems to be the belief that pay should be enough to reflect this. Meanwhile two temporary admin staff that live less than a mile away can car share and park at the office whilst if I choose to drive my 30 miles I could find myself facing a 25 minute walk from street parking i'll hopefully find, taking my 2 hour round trip to almost 3. How would I feel if I was the temporary admin staff member? I don't know. I wouldn't drive to work if I lived that near. That's a year-end whine. It sounds unbalanced and elitist and frankly, it probably is, but it's very frustrating to be faced with this problem, which incidentally is caused by government targets. And we're back. I'm not going into why.
So, that's all. As time passes my perspective becomes better as my eyesight appears to get worse. I'm enjoying myself, so i'm not complaining, and as far as possible, not worrying either. As a great comedian recently said, none of this is real.
This is my last year end post, because as i'm sure you're aware, there isn't going to be a 31st December 2012.
Right?
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