2008 #44 - Saw V

Just saw Saw V. I thought I was enjoying it. Then it ended. The tagline for this film in the UK at least has been "You won't believe how it ends". Let me say in no uncertain terms, the ending of this film is entirely predictable, twist free and underwhelming. Searching around for to figure out what I missed it seems I missed nothing. Movies with weak endings shouldn't have taglines about their endings. That's just dumb.

Sigh.

1. I will eat in moderation at all routine meals. The majority of my meals will be essentially healthy. When I snack or overindulge, I will specifically redress the balance later. I will also drink caffeine based drinks in moderation. At the end of a week, if I feel my intake has been too high, the goal has not been met, and I will state this.

I am not eating in the moderation I should be at present. This is definite. My meals are alright, but I am snacking more. Things I buy to replace other less healthy options end up getting eaten as snack food. I need to do better here, as I think I am starting to gain weight again.

2. I will not spent extended periods of time focussed on one form of entertainment. If one form of entertainment has consumed an evening or weekend then I have failed. I will vary it, and ensure that I don't neglect the mind expanding.

Still keeping it very varied. In the interest of keeping it short I won't give any detail, but it's all good.

3. I will talk to people. People I know will not feel I am ignoring them. People I don't know will not forever be people I don't know. If they do, or they are, I have failed. Why all this? Because spending any extended period of time alone is a terrible idea, and the more you initiate, the less likely that is to happen.

Still doing better at this. Mental note to keep it going when i'm back in an office of hundreds as of later this week. Plenty of people to get to know there compared to very few where i've been most recently.

4. I will apply myself to my work. Why? Because all career uncertainty aside, if I'm doing something, I must be doing it well, plus it's the only way I will continue to advance in my current career.

I am doing this, but neglecting the goals set at work. This is a common problem not unique to me, but I am due an interim review very shortly and as yet I haven't made much progress on my goals. No big deal as I have pointed out before, I cannot progress any further at the end of the year by meeting these, but obviously the polar opposite has consequences. That, however, would take some serious neglect of not just the goals but my work itself, and that won't happen. Nonetheless, I will get to these shortly, as there's some worthwhile stuff in there.

Side note - a few weeks ago I wrote about a session I attended on inclusion, diversity, etc, and was strangely positive about it. This week the (or it is a) company emailed the entire organisation to explain that such initiatives were okay but didn't focus enough on the inclusion element. The solution, it is alleged, is to make this a key part of the day to day job. I don't know what this means but no doubt it's another opportunity for me to get very angry about just how much interest the people that are just supposed to pay me for the work I do (AND THAT IS ALL) seem to have in my personal thought process. Please hear me! I will not be told what to think by my employer. Just as I start to make peace with the company, they are going to start judging me annually on how inclusive I am. How the fuck they expect to do this I have no idea, and I'm in no rush to find out. Frankly the tone of this email was horrible, includng several uses of the phrase "radical new approach", though I imagine the people that wrote it would be very surprised that anybody would have my reaction (they would see it as entirely positive), however, it took five minutes to confirm i'm not alone in hating what I read. If I really had to single out any group of people to persecute it wouldn't be a race, sex, faith or age or disability group. It'd be the people that insist that they know better than other people on issues that simply aren't based in fact, but on opinion. If anybody involved in this or anything like it ever reads this, please take my FUCK YOU very seriously. You and all like you anger me greatly, and your no doubt already forming assumption that I am just the type person you need to "reach" offends me, and many, many other people, unbeknownst to you. If anything, it might be good to "reach" you and get you to understand my view on all this, but the difference between you and me of course, is that I would never want to tell you what to think - just what I think.

That was a tangent, but an important one. Corporate stupidity. To boil it down - let us all celebrate how the same, and yet different we are by making sure that everybody agrees that we're all the same, and yet different. Go fuck yourself, once and for all. If I sound pissed off, it's because I am.

5. I will continue to rethink my career inside and outside my current role weekly. Why? Because I don't want to find myself realising I am on a career treadmill and nothing more. I must ensure what I do is meaningful to me, and ideally others. This doesn't inherently necessitate change, just frequent consideration.

Still thinking about the future. Stuff like the rant above make me want to walk out of the place, but that wouldn't help. I am gradually getting to the point where I can take these stands and worry less about the consequences. The loud, disagreeable types do fail to progress - this much is true, but I can live with that if i'm doing and saying the right thing, as opposed to towing lines which make me want to throw up. So, I don't want out. I'm even starting to consider alternative roles within the company again, which I haven't done in a while.

6. I will find the time to manage a 3 times a week exercise schedule. Why? Much like the eating, it's about long term health gains and short term physical gain. Lose a little weight. Tone up a bit.

Still not happening.

My self discipline is at an all year low right now. I blame the weather. We had both a proper summers day, first snow and air frost all in October. It's a bit warmer again now, thankfully, but it's all very confusing and can affect mood and drive.

This is the first post i've written in a long time which makes me worry slightly that I could be identifiable. I keep this anonymous precisely so I can say things like the above without fear of repurcussion. It's a lot less destructive to rant about policy of an unnamed company from the perspective of an unnamed individual than it is to reveal both and face the possibility that it could be used against me later. Many people are far too liberal in how they speak in public on Facebook etc. Nonetheless, I stand by my opinions, and there's certainly nothing aimed at any one individual.. More at a certain group of people.. Ahh crap there I go putting people in groups again.

!!!!
I'm going to bed. Peace out.