2008 #22 - The Barrier to Doing

Nothing as profound as it might sound to be found here.

I almost didn't go for my swim this week. I had arrived home later than usual, eaten even later and felt tired.

It was however, the best swim I've ever managed. I had a lane to myself for over 30 lengths. Technique was winning through and it just felt faster. I'm still not fast at all, but as a casual swimmer in it for the exercise it's more about endurance. Last week I did the mile non-stop. My body was done. This week, I saw no need to stop. I did anyway. As explained some time back, swimming for too long gets boring and puts me off doing it at all. 64 lengths took 48 minutes. A little will be due to the way I turn (cramp avoidance means I don't really push off, so I am having to build fresh momentum every length), but overall it's not even an average time and that doesn't matter. I just enjoyed it a lot more. It's becoming easier, and my muscles are much more willing to respond than they were a few months back.

What would I have gained from not swimming? An hour and half's leisure time. What did I gain from going? Feelin' good.

The next day I crashed completely throughout the work day, leading to two days off work sick. Did it have anything to do with the swim? I don't think so. Just an office bug.

The last bit's irrelevant. The point being, what was the barrier to going for a swim? Willpower? Willing? Reason? Perhaps the lack of all that and more. Must remember to focus on the reasons behind the goal when trying to talk myself out of doing something.

SO, i'm rewriting the manifesto to explain the reasons behind each goal. I'm also removing the easy/hard split. The mind does some weird trade-offs based on that split which i'd rather lose.

The 2008 Manifesto

1. I will stick to my weekday food and drink ethic as set out previously plus consider the portion size of every meal, cutting back where necessary. Why? Long term I want to be in good health, and short to long term I want to weigh at best less, but certainly not more than I do now.

2. I will stick to wasting less weekday time playing fake poker. Why? Because time is precious and as much value as I place in entertainment, too much of one type of entertainment should be avoided.

3. I will take my camera with me whenever I go, or feel i'm likely to go, somewhere i've never been before but only on a night out if there are more than two people involved. Why? So I have some kind of record of where I've been and the people I've known, liked and loved.

4. I will stay in touch with my friends weekly and start trying to initiate some weeknight activities. Why? Because spending any extended period of time alone is a terrible idea, and the more you initiate, the less likely that is to happen.

5. I will continue to write a song each month and make up for missing one in March by writing an extra song before the end of the year. Why? Because some of the best times I've had in the last few years were band/music related, and lack of natural talent doesn't mean I have no ability. What I have, I want to keep using, at very least so as not to lose it.

6. I will continue to work towards my set work goals. Why? Because all career uncertainty aside, if I'm doing something, I'd rather be doing it well, plus it's the only way I will continue to advance in my current career.

7. I will continue to rethink my career inside and outside my current role weekly. Why? Because in the last year or two I have enjoyed my work less, feel I should be doing something more meaningful to me and others, and don't want to find myself still doing exactly the same thing in five years time.

8. I will find the time to manage a 3 times a week exercise schedule. Why? Much like the eating, it's about long term health gains and short term physical gain. Lose a little weight. Tone up a bit.


This week...

1. Doing fine on food and drink. A little off kilter due to the sick days perhaps, but all in all reasonably restrained. I did eat a fry up brunch last Sunday. That was a strict one-off last meal before my guests left, and I have no desire to completely forget what good fried food tastes like.

2. I played some extra poker whilst I was sick. Why not? It's not a time for getting things done. No foul.

3. Not been anywhere of note this week, or with enough people to take a camera. I've barely left the house in the last few days since I got sick.

4. Did manage to catch up with a few semi-distant friends this weekend, despite the illness. Goal ok.

5. I mentioned last week that I was thinking of revising this goal. I still am. I have 6 days left to come up with a song idea for May, but I also have loads of other stuff I want to do musically involving what I already have. It doesn't make sense to prioritise the former over the latter. Will make a decision on this next week.

6. Still awaiting new work goals. Maybe this week?

7. Whilst it's always on my mind, I can't say i've done much towards career clarification this week. It is about time to start thinking more about this again.

8. After a few very good weeks exercise takes a fall. All I have done is swim this week. I'm not a big fan of exercising when not fully recovered from sickness. It tends to set me back. There is a good chance I won't swim tomorrow for this reason, so next week is also a potential risk, although next reasonably weathered day I will certainly get out on the bike. Today is amazingly windy in the UK.